


Give Me a Reason

by Storm_Buji



Series: Probable Fics I Might Continue [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Author Doesn't Really Remember, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Gen, Langst, Slight Author Projection Onto Character, The Author Regrets Nothing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-14
Updated: 2019-10-14
Packaged: 2020-12-16 08:28:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21033266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Storm_Buji/pseuds/Storm_Buji
Summary: There's a reason Hunk tries to never leave Lance alone for to long. Two  weeks alone with no contact with other living beings is enough to make even the strongest of men depressed, except Lance had already been suffering from depression before they even left Earth.This setback is enough to make Hunk sick to his stomach, especially after that disaster of a mission.





	Give Me a Reason

**Author's Note:**

> Edit: 10/14 5:21pm: Hahaha boom, summary and title. I'm happy now. _Jazz Hands_!

Something settles in his stomach, it's hard and cold and unforgiving. His mouth feels like sandpaper and his throat is dry, he can’t move to drink some water. <strike>_He doesn’t really want to_</strike>.

  
His heart is beating low in his stomach and his mind is rebelling.

  
_The lights are too bright, the alarms are loud. The distant sound of running echoes, he’s alone. All alone with his wounded friends, he’s not even sure if he has the right to call them friends anymore._

  
He rubs a hand hard across his face and tears a hand through his hair, shoving his hysterical sobs down somewhere to be forgotten. He barely registers that Coran is in the room as he stares at the four Cryo-pods. All of them active, each healing different drastic fatal wounds.

  
_His fault. All his fault, if he just trained harder, if he just stopped joking and listened for once. All his fault, his fault, his fault._

  
Allura walked back in a few moments later, she talked with Coran asking how the team was doing and informed him they were safe away from the Galra once more.

  
She didn’t even look at him as she left.

  
_<strike>She knows</strike> its his fault. All his fault, his fault, his fault, his fault._

  
Coran doesn’t acknowledge him either, running one last brief scan on the team before walking out.  
He chokes on his own breath, lungs refusing to work. He’s vaguely aware of Blue in the back of his mind purring, trying her hardest to calm him down.  
It doesn’t work.

  
He stumbles back so quickly he trips and falls harshly into a corner of the metal examining table that had been brought out behind him.  
He presses a hand to his mouth firmly, refusing to let the harsh sobs escape their confinement. He brings his knees to his chest and rocks.

  
He adamantly refuses to cry.

  
He brings one hand up to cover his mouth and the other drifts down to the side wound in an aborted attempt to shield it.

  
_He doesn’t deserve to cry, out of everybody here, **he of all people does not deserve to cry.**_

  
His throat clogs with an indescribable feeling and his eyes water. Nothing escapes, he doesn’t cry no matter how much his emotions and body are begging to have the sweet release.

  
_He has no right to cry. He deserves this pain._

  
His chest feels like it's folding in on itself and a harsh gag rings through the Med bay, his body finally demanding its air supply back.  
He twists his fingers into the wound on his side his blood flowing unhindered through the slits between his fingers. He hopes the bodily pain will ground him, ground him just enough so he can shove his feelings in an airtight safe and throw it into an ocean never to be found again.

  
<strike>_Stupid. Worthless. Useless. Doesn’t deserve to cry._</strike>

  
He deserves to be yelled at, he needs to be yelled at. He lurches off the ground, swaying as he takes a few steps. He isn’t sure where he wants to go, anywhere but here will be a good place to be. Anywhere where he can’t see his failure, his fuck up. Anywhere where he won’t be a bother, a burden.

  
He finds himself on the training deck, his fingers dig ruthlessly into his side chasing the numb pain. He starts a sequence, hopes it will take his mind off the death pale faces of the ones he started to consider family.

  
Soon he finds himself on a level he can’t handle on his own, the sting from the hits the gladiator land are more than welcomed.  
He trains until he hits a level where he can’t fight at all, and he starts over again. Over and over and over again, until he starts to see blacks spots on his vision and pain is all he feels.

  
_Good, he deserves this._

  
He doesn’t stop until he’s past levels that they haven't reached yet as a team, doesn’t stop until he falls and he can barely get up again. He knows he needs to get up and wander to the kitchen to eat, but he doesn’t want to.

_He doesn’t deserve that either._

  
His mind feeds him images of his team, his friends, his family and he stumbles back up off the ground, and starts the sequence over again. He ignores the shakiness of his limbs, ignores the way his body tries to rebel. He trains through the sequence until the castle lights dim, and the gladiators don’t come back. He wanders out to the kitchen to get some food and water, as much as he doesn’t want to he knows it's needed. Before wandering to a colder part of the castle, he doesn't deserve the comfort of his Paladin room.

  
He slumps to the floor and lets the restless sleep take him. He wakes what feels like a few minutes later, he knows that's wrong though by the way the castle lights are brightening again. He levers himself to his feet, he’s slept enough. He wanders to the kitchen for some more food goo and water, avoiding Allura and Coran while he can, and winds up back on the training deck.

His daily pattern continues for a week, and his body is starting to feel the effects of only eating and drinking twice a day. He lags soon, his body demanding care and rest. His mind throws him Pidge and Hunk and he resolves himself to eating and drinking more before going back to training.

  
_He doesn’t deserve to rest, he doesn’t deserve care._

  
It takes him awhile before he notices that Blue has been mournfully whining as she tries to curl her mental presence around his, tries to offer him comfort. He lets her in, but doesn’t stop what he’s doing.

  
It takes him a few more days to realize that neither Allura nor Coran has sought him out. It hurts him more than he thought it would.

  
It takes four more days until the team is out of the Cryo-pods. Two whole weeks. Nobody seeks him out for that either, he tries to ignore the sting.  
It's fine, this is what he deserves.

_ It’s fine, don’t cry dammit don’t cry. He’s not the one that got hurt, they are. Now suck it up._

  
He runs into the team, their frantic he wonders why, on the day he finally decides to take a shower and change, it's only been a day since their release from the pods. He leaves before anyone can notice him.

  
He winds up finding another shower closer to where he’s been sleeping. The water is cold and the soap smells musty but it does the job. His Paladin armor is clean when he steps out, he slides it back on. It's starting to feel like a second skin now.

  
His luck runs out on the third day that the team has been awake, Allura notices him first and calls attention to him. The others start to turn, he backs out of the room like the floor is lava.

  
<strike>_Coward._</strike>

He disappears into the colder dusty depths of the castle he’s starting to get used to. He finds another kitchen this one smaller and not as extravagant, the goo here is purple but still edible and he has water. He counts it as a win.

  
A few days later he finds himself using his gymnastic skills as a form of parkour. He bounces off the walls, swings from the rafters, and flies through the air. He falls and bruises himself more than he wants to admit.

  
It’s only a day later that the Galra decide to attack, he sneaks into the bridge as Allura and Shiro plan their attack method. He listens attentively. Everybody freezes when they turn and spot him, he just blinks at them and turns away starting his journey down to Blue. She welcomes him with as much warmth that she can muster, and curls around him more firmly now that he was physically within her cockpit.  
The fight is over quickly, and its silent.

Thankfully this fight didn’t need Voltron.

He’s the first one to land his lion in the castle. He pauses slightly at the presence of both Allura and Coran, but in the end he just blinks and walks past them.

  
He doesn’t stop when they reach for him, he doesn’t stop when they call his name.

He finds himself on the training deck, he starts the sequence without thinking. The slight parkour training he’s done comes in handy. He remains ignorant of his horrified audience. He finishes quickly, only doing one round. He unknowingly disappears into his cold hallway before the team can come careening around the corner.

  
He continues his parkour training for the next three days before the next Galra attack.

He’s ready this time, for the shock the team will show. He didn’t expect them to reach for him. He flinches violently before fleeing to the zipline that’ll take him to Blue.  
_Coward. Coward. Coward. He deserves the punishment that’s waiting for him, why does he keep running?_

  
This fight with the Galra is longer and more tedious, they have to form Voltron at the end when a Robeast appears. He feels a horrified shock come from the others, he isn’t sure he wants to know why. The fight with the Robeast is tiring and the moment its defeated he flies back to the castle. Not staying to celebrate, he skips the training deck this time choosing instead to go take a shower and shave.

He doesn’t see the team again until two days later when they find him and he has nowhere to run.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure if I want to leave it as it is, or polish it up some more and try continuing it? Even though I kinda like the open ending....? I haven't written anything for Voltron for a while now so I'm mostly partial to leave it as is, and try to find the motivation in continuing ECaLP. 
> 
> Anyways thank you for reading and don't be afraid to share your thoughts. I love hearing from all of you!


End file.
